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Andy Rooney's View
of the World-Fiction!
Summary of the eRumor A commentary attributed to
CBS's Andy Rooney.
The Truth
This is a compilation of comments
from at least a couple of sources including an eRumor that has been
circulated as having been written by either Ted Nugent or George
Carlin.
The actual origin, we have not found.
It is not from Andy Rooney.
A real example of the eRumor as it has
appeared on the Internet:
-----
ANDY ROONEY'S OPINION Date: Sat, 15 Feb 2003 17:50:02 -0500
I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big
houses and big
campfires. I believe the money I make belongs to me
and my
family,
not
some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who
wants to give
it
away
to crack addicts for squirting out babies. Guns do
not make you
a
killer.* I think killing makes you a killer.* You can
kill
someone
with
a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban
you from
driving
to
the ball game. I believe they are called the Boy
Scouts for a
reason,
that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong
in the Girl
Scouts!
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it
is not a
phobia,
it
is an opinion. I don't think being a minority makes
you a
victim of
anything except numbers. The only things I can think
of that
are
truly
discriminatory are things like the United Negro
College Fund,
Jet
Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss
Black
America.
Try
to have things like the United Caucasian College
Fund,* Cloud
Magazine,
White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America
and see
what
happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your
door. I have
the
right "NOT" to be tolerant of others
because they are different,
weird,
or tick me off.* When 70% of the people who get
arrested are
black,
in
cities where 70% of the population is black, that is
not racial
profiling, it is the law of statistics. I know what
sex is, and
there
are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from
one of
my
subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private
matter or my
personal business. I would be "FIRED"
immediately! I believe
that
if
you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of
cigarettes, a
newspaper
or
a
hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of
fact, if
you
want to be an American citizen you should have to
speak English!
(or
don't collect our welfare). My father and grandfather
shouldn't
have
to
die in vain so you can leave the countries you were
born in to
come
over
and disrespect ours. I think the police should have
every right
to
shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they
tell you to
stop.
If you can't understand the word "freeze"
or "stop" in English,
see
the
above lines. I feel much safer letting a machine with
no
political
affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what
the
definition
of
lying is. I don't think just because you were not
born in this
country,
you are qualified for any special loan programs,
government
sponsored
bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a
hotel, coffee
shop,
trinket store, or any other business. We did not go
to the aid
of
certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars
to defend
their
freedoms so that decades later they could come over
here and
tell us
our
constitution is a living document and open to their
interpretations.
I
don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know
wrestling
is
fake,
but so are movies and television, and that doesn't
stop you from
watching them. I believe a self-righteous liberal or
conservative
with
a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an
attitude.
I
think
Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he
made and
continue
to
make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the
next operating
system
that's better and put your name on the building. Ask
your buddy
that
invented the Internet to help you. It doesn't take a
whole
village
to
raise a child right, but it does take a parent to
stand up to
the
kid
and smack their little ass' when necessary and say
"NO." "I
think
tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but
please don't
pretend
they are a political statement. And Please stay home
until that
new
lip
ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly
infected mouth as
you
serve me french fries! I am sick of "Political
Correctness" and
of
all
the suck ups that go along with it. I know a lot of
black
people,
and
not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how
can they be
"African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a
continent. I don't go
around
saying I am a European-American because my great,
great, great,
great,
great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud
to be from
America
and nowhere else. And if you don't like my point of
view,
tough!
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