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Dennis Miller's Commentary on the Middle East Situation-Incorrect
Summary of the eRumor: This is a forwarded commentary
about his thoughts on the blockade of Gaza and the situation in the
Middle East allegedly written by comedian Dennis Miller.
The Truth: Comedian Dennis Miller is a political
commentator and contributor for the Fox News Network but did not write
This was a
segment from an April 22, 2002 article titled Whosoever Blesses Them
written by Larry Miller, a conservative columnist for the Weekly
Standard. The article can be seen in its original and
entire form by
A real example of the eRumor as it has
appeared on the Internet:
Israel Problem in a Nutshell
Comments by Dennis Miller:
For those of you who don't like Dennis Miller, who is not Jewish, you
may want to reconsider after reading his comments that follow.
For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show
called Dennis Miller Live on HBO. Although he is not Jewish, he recently
had the following to say about the Middle East situation:
A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to
all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the
Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go in Dennis Miller's own words:
Let me share my current thoughts on the blockade of Gaza by Egypt and
Israel. The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing
about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was
called Palestine for two thousand years. Like 'Wiccan,'
'Palestinian' sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before
the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was Owned by Egypt, the
West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no Palestinians.'
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the 'Palestinians, weeping
for their deep bond with their lost 'land' and 'nation.' So for the sake
of honesty, let's not use the word 'Palestinian' any more to describe
these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone
Points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are:
'Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap
Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death. ' I
know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this,
then: 'Adjacent Jew-Haters.' Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their
Oops, just one more thing: No, they
don't. They could've had their own country. Anytime in the last thirty
years, especially several years ago at Camp David. But If you have your
own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks. And
Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some
way to make a living. That's no fun. No, they want what all the other
Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead
Jews, of course that's where the Real fun is -- but mostly they want
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or 'The Zionist Entity'
as their Textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the
rulers of Arab Countries to divert the attention of their own people
away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate,
poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been
around God's Earth, you know that's really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic
about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm
missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since
Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five
Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a
pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks
swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone
will be pals.
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to
drive very Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend, Kevin Rooney, made a gorgeous point the other day: Just
reverse the Numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million
Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture
the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of
course not. Or marshaling every fiber and force at his or her disposal
for generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or
dancing for joy at the murder of Innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and
believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the
blood of children? Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in
a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing
moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11 th our
president told the world and us he was going to root out all terrorists
and the countries that supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis,
after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City
every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and
we tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would
all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done
with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the
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