Patton Column of June 6, 2005
First, Newsweek pulled a Dan Rather on us, running a fabricated story just
because they wanted it to be true. They told the world that an American
guard at the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, detention center had ripped pages
from a prisonerís Koran and flushed it down a toilet. As a result,
innocent people died when practitioners of Islam rioted in protest in
Oops, said Newsweek, it seems we canít back up our story. Oh well,
itís probably true; we just canít prove it.
The lie heard round the world about the flushed
Koran has caused convulsions in the Bush Administration and forced the
Pentagon to launch an investigation of unfounded allegations contained
in an unsubstantiated story. The results of said investigation are now
in, and it seems there are at least five incidents of ďmishandlingĒ
of the Koran at Gitmo.
Well, guess what? I
Are we fighting a war on terror or arenít we?
Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our
shores on September 11, 2001? Were people from all over the world,
mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown
, across the Potomac from our nationís capitol and in a field in
? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible,
burning death that day, or didnít they?
And Iím supposed to care that a copy of the
Koran was ďdesecratedĒ when an overworked American soldier kicked it
or got it wet? Well, I donít. I donít care at all.
Iíll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns
himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on
Iíll care about the Koran when the fanatics in
the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession
of which is a crime in
Iíll care when
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
tells the world he is sorry for hacking off Nick Bergís head while
Berg screamed through his gurgling, slashed throat.
Iíll care when the cowardly so-called
come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion
by hiding in mosques.
Iíll care when the mindless zealots who blow
themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children
within range of their suicide bombs.
Iíll care when the American media stops
pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from
international law instead of the United States Constitutionís Bill of
Iíll care when Clinton-appointed judges stop
ordering my government to release photos of the abuses at Abu Ghraib,
which are sure to set off the Islamic extremists just as
Newsweekís lies did a few weeks ago.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave
marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this:
I donít care.
When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi
prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college hazing
incident, rest assured that I donít care.
When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the
head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you
can take it to the bank that I donít care.
When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a
Koran paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is
being ďmishandled,Ē you can absolutely believe in your heart of
hearts that I donít care.
oh, by the way, Iíve noticed that sometimes itís spelled ďKoranĒ
and other times ďQuran.Ē Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and ó you guessed
it ó I donít care!