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Christmas Blow-Up Doll-Fiction!
Summary of the eRumor This was allegedly the
winner of a writing contest for the Louisville Sentinel newspaper in
1999. It's the story of a family member who would jokingly
hang panty hose over the fireplace and say that he wanted Santa to
provide female to fill them. The writer decided to fulfill his
wish and bought a blow-up doll from a sex shop, inflated it, and
stuffed it into the panty hose. The resulting reactions from
the family make for a funny Christmas story.
This story was never submitted to the
the Louisville Sentinel.
There is no Louisville Sentinel.
A real example of the eRumor as it has
appeared on the Internet:
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to
out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. It won first prize.
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true
every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were
his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on
went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those
Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've
been in a X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I
there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?"
"You're kidding me!"
"Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the
inflatable doll section. I
wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many
models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box,
things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for
Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call
Louise a "doll"
took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise
life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the
morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the
pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some
and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I
and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to
and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the
confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and
more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so
rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained,
"It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that?" Granny
snapped. I had several
candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her
continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,"
Jay said, trying to
steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless.
she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why
would I? It was
Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance
"Hang on Granny Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up
and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I
told him she was
Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel,
to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then
realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a
sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then
lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell
in a heap
in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce
my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and
administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back
chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped
the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my
garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of
collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember
back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug
tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think
still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
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