Church Hires JK Rowling To Rewrite The Bible:
The latest PR coup for Pope
Francis has seen him hire famous and revered children’s author JK
Rowling to rewrite the Bible.
It is hoped the author, most famous for her Harry Potter series, can
make it more accessible and believable for a new generation of Catholics
While the specifics of the rewrite are not yet known, it is believed
Rowling is tasked with producing a compelling tale that young Catholics
and Christians can engage with. Figures such as dementors and other
popular creations may take the place of less realistic Biblical
creatures such as unicorns and the leviathon.
“We are very happy Miss Rowling has agreed to the rewrite, we keenly
await the first draft,” a Vatican insider told WWN.
Rowling’s selection has raised some eyebrows but the decision by Pope
Francis to select the wildly popular author is mainly due to commercial
“The sales of the Jesus Christ action figure have dropped by over 200%
in the last 10 years, we are in need of new, compelling and toy-friendly
characters…like the dinosaur in Toy Story,” a source close to the Pope
“Our revenue streams are shrinking so the more Hollywood-esque the
better,” the source concluded.
Rowling has thus far remained tight lipped on her vision for the Bible
and its merry band of characters but a number of Hollywood producers are
in discussions to turn it into a movie.
In the last century many Christian leaders have offered revisions on the
interpretations of many of the Bible’s passages but Rowling is expected
to take a more drastic approach.
“Judas is probably going to wear a leather jacket and JK is toying with
the idea of a nervous twitch or even an eye-patch. Also why have one
book when can have more? She is thinking of splitting it up into 9,
maybe 10 books” the author’s publicist shared with WWN.