Las Vegas, NV - Kitschy American Idol Star William Hung, famous for his
botching of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs,” was found dead yesterday,
apparently of an intentional heroin overdose. The announcement of his
death sent shockwaves to the tens of people who still found him funny.
Ironically, Mr. Hung was found by a VH1 camera crew sent to begin filing
“William Hung: Behind the ‘Music.’” Viacom immediately decided
to rename the special: “William Hung: fifteen minutes till death.”
Friends of Mr. Hung say he had become despondent in
recent days. “I don’t know, it’s just so sad,” said Ming Tse,
one of Hung’s former classmates at Stanford, “I heard him the other
day on Snotbubble’s Morning Madhouse; he kept trying to make William
say things like ‘me so horny’ and ‘hey sailor’ while playing the
sound of a bomb falling. I just know William was hurting inside when
Snotbubble got him to say, ‘you wanna some-e egg foo young-e.’ It
was so sad. I just think he was tired of the commercialization of it
all.”
Other friends, who had lost contact with him in recent
weeks, feared he was becoming too “Hollywood.” “I’m not
surprised he was on heroin,” said Hung’s engineering cohort Melvin
Samples, “I mean just two months ago we were out at our usual corner
table at Smitty’s, and William actually went and talked to some girls.
The next thing I know he’s doing shots with some hipster guys; they
were calling him ‘Long Duck Dong’ and making him say ‘au-to-mo-bile.’
From what I hear, it’s not a long leap from that to heroin addiction.”
Stanford’s hippy population immediately misconstrued
the situation and adopted Hung’s death as a pet cause. “He was a
victim of the corporate greed-machine, just like Kurt [Cobain] and Eddie
[Vedder, who is actually still alive],” said one dreadlocked mourner
outside the engineering department at Stanford University, where a
makeshift memorial had been set up, “he just wanted to sing, and Fox
decided to turn him into this joke, man, this fucking joke. They just
ate him up and spit him out. Fucking Bill O’Reily. I think it’s
because he was against the war.” The last comment is apparently in
reference to the fact that Hung once answered “no, thank you” when
asked whether he was “for or against the war in Iraq.”
The Las Vegas police released part of his suicide
note. It read, “I have no reason of living . . . my art which is my
importance to the best everybody laugh to . . . I make end here . . .
goodbye world of cruel.”
Although Hung’s immediate family disowned him
seconds after his appearance on American Idol, it is believed he has an
aunt in Toledo, Ohio who will take care of funeral arrangements.
William Hung is alive and well
and still enjoying the afterglow of his success as a geeky singing hero
from American Idol.