Harry Potter Author Admits She’s an Avowed Satanist–Fiction!
Summary of eRumor:
Discerning readers will detect that this is satirically written. It is from a satire feature titled Post Morten from the Canadian website National Post at www.nationalpost.com and was published during the time that the second Harry Potter film was being released. The story is not true. J.K. Rowlings has denied that she is a Satanist or that her books are designed to promote anything dark. She was also the subject of an eRumor last year from another satire site on the Internet. CLICK HERE for that story. Last updated 11/22/02
With the second instalment of the Harry Potter series set to arrive in theatres, Post Mortem dispatched correspondent Massimo Commanducci to chat with J.K. Rowling, author of the Potter novels. He files this report from her palatial Scottish estate …
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J.K. Rowling was not at all like I had expected she’d be: She was warm, she was funny and she readily admitted she is an avowed Satanist! “It’s true,” she told me. “I worship the Devil, Beelzebub, Satan, Lucifer — in all his unholy forms. And I owe all my success, all my glory, all my power, to my sweet, beautiful Lucifer.”
Munching on a cucumber sandwich finger, Rowling explained that her devotion to the Prince of Darkness was forged when she was a single mother on welfare.
Rowling — or, as she shall henceforth be referred to and credited as, Mrs. J. K. Satan — said that as she sat in a coffee shop one grey day, wondering what to do with her empty, aimless life, it hit her: “I’ll give myself, body and soul, to the Dark Master. And in return, he will give me absurd wealth and power over the weak and pitiful of the world. And he did!”
Now, as everyone knows, critics of the Harry Potter series of books and films have long argued that the dark sorcery and non-Christian values have a corrupting influence on young people, who have displayed an atypical interest in reading since the series was launched. Duh, Mrs. Satan told me. “Well, of course the books are designed to corrupt young minds,” she declared, as her eyes became like the deepest night and her voice was embellished with a sinister echo. “That’s what Lucifer demands of us — all of us!”
As the ensuing tornado of fire receded, Mrs. Satan was asked why she had denied such charges in the past. The author threw her head back, laughed maniacally, gently stroked her hellcat, then calmly explained: “Because my master’s power is only now at its zenith. Only now can I reveal the true purpose of my work.
“Only with the release of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, due in North American theatres on Nov. 15, is it too late for all you impotent mortals to do anything to stop it!”
Rowling then graciously offered me tea and shortbread cookies and wearily discussed the progress of the fifth Potter novel, which is taking so long “because my sweet, beautiful Lucifer suddenly fancies himself an editor, and every night he sends up some deformed minion with a bunch of notes like, ‘Are you sure Ron Weasely would say that?’ and ‘I’m thinking subplot with a love interest here!’ I mean, do I tell him how to harvest souls?”